I saw a State Farm advertisement where a house falling apart and the lady was obviously becoming agitated and the narrator said, “State Farm, there for all your ‘What-Ifs.’”
Phew! That makes me feel scared, then relieved! I better go get State Farm, because I’ve noticed a few trees that I’m concerned might fall on my house, the water that comes off my driveway pools near my house in a concerning manner, the over head lights were installed decades ago so a fire could start, and several other things that could potentially kill me and/or my family!
The original name of that company was State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company, but that was too long so they shortened it to State Farm.
Their advertisement got me thinking, with all that fear mongering, about what else could go wrong?
Quite frankly, I just don’t have the time or intelligence to analyze everything and come up with all the necessary life saving solutions. I wish I could be Confident that somebody else was thinking through every possible deadly outcome for me.
I figure, if I can die that means everyone else can die too, so it would be everyone’s benefit to have a group of people imagining all the ways people could die, whether they are real possibilities or not. That would be Progress, but we would have to be sure they are Professionals. They don’t necessarily have to have any education, certification, or licensure, but they have to at least dress like they are Professional.
Sure, an organization like this is of Socialist nature, and yes absolute security does sacrifice my ability to pursue Happiness, because to be safe you can’t be allowed to do a lot of things, after all! Of course, that does eliminate any sense of Individualism, and surely there would be extra Tax burden, but I bet there are a lot of smart Heads who can figure that all out.
Ok, with all that in mind, what’s the name we are looking at so far: CONfident proGRESS professIONAL Socialist Happiness Individualism Taxes and Heads. Hmm that’s too long.
If only there was a group of people with a short name that could fearmonger constantly and save us from all our What-Ifs!
Let’s try shortening down that name, just like State Farm did…
Here ye! Here ye! I propose that in order to truly be safe that we all give everything to a group called the CONGRESSIONAL SHITHEADS!
Who’s with me?!
You can’t be happy if you are dead, so safety first!
You can’t spend money when you are dead, so safety first!
You don’t matter when you are dead, so safety first!
You don’t have time or the knowledge to think of all the possible ways you can die, so safety first!
You’re stupid, so safety first!
Man, I just came up with this idea, but I get the feeling that there is another group of CONGRESSIONAL SHITHEADS that have already come up with this idea and made those safety-first arguments to constantly fearmonger and limit people, but what do I know!?
I am just another dummy, who is too stupid to trust untested vaccines, too ignorant to believe that cops can get to my side faster than a gun in my night stand, and not educated enough to understand why its better for corrupt Ukrainian politicians to have my tax dollars than me.
Is there anybody else in America too stupid like me, or have the CONGRESSIONAL SHITHEADS already scared you into total submission, where you happily give up your taxes, freedoms, and individualisms?
This is the type of news you will only get at the Great American Spirit.
All G.A.S., no B.R.A.K.E.S. (Bureaucrats, Radicals, Atheists, Kneejerk-activists, Eccentrics, or Socialists)
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